A Centreville Christmas

Don’t get me wrong. I love receiving gifts, I just don’t need sweaters or scarves to be happy. Every day when I take Jake for a walk, I look around at our charming historic town and I feel gratitude. For where I am in life, and for where I live. I love it here. Five years ago, I never imagined I would have a loving husband, live in a historic town (something I always dreamed of), and having a novel for sale on Amazon. Truly, God has both surprised and blessed me.



So, I want to share with you a little of what I experience every day on my dog walks. The picture above is of two beautiful historic homes decorated for Christmas. Grace’s favorite is the one pictured below, which we refer to as “The Gargoyle House.” Aptly named for the little gargoyle who looks out over Chesterfield Ave. and is dressed differently each season. Over the summer, he had a fish in his mouth. When school started, a giant crayon; and he even sported a Halloween costume in October.



As I walk down Commerce St., Christmas hymns and carols fill the air, courtesy of The Centerville National Bank. Every business and shop in town has a Christmas display in their window, and the Christmas Parade shuts down the entire town.



Everyone who doesn’t have a part in it sets up along the streets to watch. If you aren’t home by 6:00, you can’t get home. And everyone who marches by in the parade calls out: “Merry Christmas!” Which I appreciate since this holiday’s purpose is to celebrate the coming of the Christ into the world.



It’s easy to get stressed out (and I am) about all of the shopping and wrapping to be done, and the cleaning of the house before the relatives arrive. And it’s easy to feel down about my sweet daughter being away from me the entire week of Christmas as she celebrates with her father in Florida. But I’m choosing instead to be grateful for the love of a God who sent his Son to be my savior and who is at work in my life daily to reshape my character and make me more like him.



Our first Christmas in our new home will be special to us. We celebrated with Grace before she left, and we had a wonderful day together. And this is Jake’s first Christmas. He’s a little confused by the presence of a tree in the living room and can’t keep himself from eating it. But even if my tree has no ornaments, and the entire lower half has been literally ripped limb from limb, I’m going to cherish these days and thank God for the gifts he’s given me!

Now What?

So, the truth is I’m not good at blogging. Or talking about myself, or even about my book. I’m not a good salesperson. And I’m not that great with using technology. Basically, I don’t possess any of the skills that would be helpful in building a successful writing career in today’s world. This is what I’m good at: sitting at the computer with my cat and a cup of hot chai tea (with a secret bag of Mint M&M’s hidden in the desk drawer) and writing a story.

But every step of this journey has pushed me out of my comfort zone—which is the place where we can really grow. So it’s time for me to be uncomfortable and figure out how to get this done.

I’ve been blessed by amazing friends and family who’ve bought my novel and shared it with their friends. Hopefully I’ll see more reviews on Amazon and Good Reads as time passes and free time is reintroduced to everyone’s schedules after the holidays. Personally, I won’t be able to exert any real energy into my new writing career until the second week of January.

I’m just thankful that God already knew my limitations when he called me to write. I will give it all I have, and I’ll allow myself to sweat and stammer at book signings when I’d really rather be in my office writing. But as I was recently reminded, my job is to be obedient and leave the results to God.

So I’m going to try to relax and enjoy this part of my own story as I step into the role of author. But when you’re an uptight perfectionist who’s always imperfect, it’s tough to relax.

FINALLY!

It hasn't been easy, but it's finally ready to go! You can purchase the paperback at my E-store Createspace and by the middle of next week it should also be available on Amazon.com. The e-book is available now at Amazon.

Tenacity is the Word of the Day

This is my Determined face. Can you feel it? (Nikki, this one's for you.)

Publishing to Kindle was easy. But formatting my novel to print through Create Space has been a lesson in perseverance. I’ve been meditating on Winston Churchill’s words of wisdom: “Success is the ability to move from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” I’ve definitely struggled with enthusiasm, but at least remained doggedly tenacious.

The first proof copy of my novel revealed a need for changes to both the cover design and interior format. I have now completed those changes (after much hair-pulling and a few tears) and am ordering a second proof copy. If it doesn’t reveal any other major flaws, the paperback will be out by next week.

Nothing EVER happens according to my timeframe. EVER. Maybe there’s a reason for it, like some secret supernatural reason. Or maybe it’s just life and another opportunity to practice perseverance. Either way, here I am, still working at it.

The Journey

You may have heard me talk about how writing brings me joy, but you may not have realized how difficult this journey has been for me. The creative process is the part that makes me feel at peace, like I’m doing exactly what I was made to do. After that, the demons attack.

The journey of completing this novel, of surrendering it to friends for proof-reading and criticism, and the idea of letting everyone read it has been emotionally exhausting. At every turn, I’ve had to fight back the voices of the past that were loud with criticism and quiet when it came to encouragement. I’ve had to fight my own insecurities that tell me I have nothing to offer, and the voice of experience reminding me that I’ve never succeeded before.

It hasn’t been an easy road to travel. Two years ago I swore I would never write again. But I truly believe that this is what God has created me for and prepared me to do. Timing is indeed everything. And the hardest part of the journey begins now, as I must follow through on what I’ve begun.

Just formatting the document for the paperback version has been a test of my resolve. Now I must find a way to increase awareness of my novel’s existence to the world. And juggle all of life’s demands and still find time to finish writing book 2.

But the God who has led me this far will not forget me now. And words cannot express how grateful I am for the people who haven’t let me give up along the way, who’ve pushed and encouraged and prayed for me.

Please keep it up!

It's Here!

I am excited to announce that the e-book version of my novel is now available on Kindle! You can purchase it here: Amazon

The trade paperback won’t be completed for a few more weeks, but I’m working on that and will post an update as soon as it becomes available. It’s been a bit of a nightmare. Prayers are welcomed.

“Through Every Valley” is Book I in the series “Of Wind and Sky”

Description:

In one horrible instant, the course of her life was changed forever. She would never trust again.

Vivian Lawson came to Wyoming because it was her husband’s wish. But the discovery of his true nature leaves her bitterly determined to never trust a man again. And his sudden and timely death leaves her widowed on the western frontier, burdened by betrayal and guilt.

As swiftly as a ship sinks to the ocean floor, everything that mattered most to him was stripped away.

Rob Hudson returned to Annapolis, Maryland after years of fighting to preserve the Union and set the slaves free. But when the pursuit of his dreams leads only to loss and disappointment, Rob sets out on a westward adventure that will test his courage and reshape his character.

Sometimes the paths of our lives take us into deep valleys or rushing rivers. But through it all, there is hope.

When their paths cross on the open prairie, a new journey begins. One which will demand that they confront the shadows of their pasts and dare to believe in a brighter future. Together they must learn to surrender their broken hearts to God and to trust Him with their deepest fears and dearest dreams.

A Word of Thanks

If all goes according to plan, the e-book version should be out by the end of this week. The trade paperback will take longer because I have to purchase a proof copy to review before it can be made available to the general public. But we’re getting there.

And I’d like to pause and thank everyone who’s helped me to get to this point. My parents, who’ve read all the novels I’ve written since the time I was sixteen until now. And of course, my husband. I never would have been able to come this far without him.

Then there are those ladies who gave me invaluable feedback by reading my rough drafts: Nikki, Sarah, Lisa, Katie, and Casey. I truly appreciate the time that you put into reading through it and using that red pen to help me make it better.

Also, I want to thank Jody at Christian Graphic Solutions for help with designing and creating a book cover. What is a novel without a cover?

And to all of you who have taken the time to ask how this project is going, to reply to my blog, or to drop me a line of encouragement, I never would have continued chasing this dream without your support.

Thanks to everyone who has walked this journey with me. A new adventure is about to begin.

Almost There

Hopefully within the next week or two, I’ll have my novel available for purchase through Amazon.  Hopefully.  I’m still finalizing details with the graphic designer on the book cover and I’m finishing up the editing and formatting.  Since I have no idea what I’m doing, prayers would be appreciated.

I’m excited in some ways, anxious in others.  This isn’t the way I dreamed it.  I had hoped for the stamp of approval from a traditional publisher, who would have then taken care of all the extraneous details of book covers, formatting, and advertising.  And I would have earned enough royalties to sit at home and write the next book.

But seldom does life work out the way we dream it.  This is the next best thing.  At least this novel won’t sit in a dusty box, unread, like the others I’ve written.  At least there will be the opportunity for people to read it.

And so I am excited about sharing it, just anxious that I won’t format it properly or no one will want to read it.  But I keep reminding myself that God told me to write when I had decided I would never write again.  He gave me this story, so He must have a plan for it.  And for me.

I’ll keep you posted.

Let's Do It

Last summer, I was inspired to write a novel and within three months it was all on paper.  All of my life there have been a million good reasons—and just as many bad excuses—why I couldn’t succeed as a writer.  Now it’s time to do something.  This is the era of the Indie Author, and I may as well jump on the band wagon. 

I’ve decided to publish through Amazon Kindle.  I’m working with a graphic design artist on a book cover, and I hope to have it available for purchase very soon.  Now, if you are like me and prefer a paper copy, please let me know as I am in the process of making the decision about doing that as well. (Yes, for those who remember, I did enter my novel into a contest.  But the winner isn’t announced until February, and I don’t really expect to win.)

All I know is that it’s time to do something.  I’m tired of sitting still and dreaming.  I’m tired of listening to the voice in my head that reminds that every time I’ve ever tried anything, I’ve failed.  Maybe so.  But maybe this time will be different.  Maybe not.  At least I will know I tried.

When I was in college, I wrote about an artist whom I described as lacking that “final burst of courage” necessary for him to succeed.  And as I wrote it, having a moment of self-revelation.  That was me. 

I don’t believe you can force open a door that God has held closed, and it’s important to remember that it might be closed for a reason.  Timing is everything.  But now I feel that I’m being urged forward.  Last year I prayed for the story and God gave it to me.  Now I am praying for it to have a life of its own. 

I’ll never know if I can succeed as a writer if I never produce that final burst of courage.  And so I’m going to prayerfully move forward and see what God has in store for me.

My One and Only Life

On my birthday this year, I attended a funeral.  But it actually wasn’t a bad way to spend the afternoon as the man whose life was being celebrated had used his time on earth wisely.  Birthdays and funerals are both great opportunities to reflect on one’s life.  On how it’s been spent and on the direction it’s headed.

I’ve had birthdays with smaller numbers that have made me sad, not because of the age itself, but because of where I was in the journey.  This year (although the number isn’t my favorite) I feel good about where I am in life.  Prayers have been answered.  Healing has come.  Hope is alive.  I’m grateful.

I’m grateful for God’s work in my life, for never giving up and leaving me where I was.  I’m grateful for a loving, supportive husband, and for a sweet and precious daughter.

To quote Holly from the movie, P.S. I Love You: “This is my one and only life. And it's a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive.”  

The Colburn Camping Fiasco

 They don’t call it Bugs Island Lake for nothing.  While on our camping trip, we saw a poisonous Cottonmouth snake, a harmless Garter snake eating a frog, a poisonous centipede, and a Velvet Ant known as the “Cattle Killer” for the pain of its sting.  I also assisted the Park Ranger in catching a cat mauled during the night by a larger animal. 

We had a beautiful lakeside camping site, and we enjoyed swimming with the little minnows that darted away from our feet as we waded into the water.  Unfortunately, in addition to the numerous other items we forgot to pack, I neglected to bring my camera.  I did snap a few shots with my phone, but since it died, I can’t access them.  So, I’ve included a picture from our July camping trip.

We chose to take the old car, because camping is a dirty business and we wanted to keep the new car clean.  However, we should have unpacked it and jumped into the Honda when the Ford began making odd noises as we pulled out of the street.  By the time we reached our campground four hours away, a new problem had developed.  And ironically, the cause of our breakdown on the way home was an entirely different issue.

And so our camping trip had a rather exciting conclusion as we spent more than three hours on the side of 495 near Alexandria, Virginia during rush hour traffic waiting for a tow truck.  I’m going to assume that most of the drivers who passed thought we had pulled over to walk the dog.  Out of hundreds, five cars did stop to offer water, gas, or any other help we might need.

The delay was caused by a tow truck driver who thought he could take advantage of our situation and charge cash for taking more than one passenger.  But he picked the wrong man to try that trick on, and eventually a different driver was sent out. 

We concluded our vacation week with a visit to Six Flags on Friday.  Ben and I rode every roller coaster in the park except one.  I took two Aleve for my neck to counteract the trauma as we entered the park.  Three nights of sleeping on an air mattress had already left it in rotten shape.  Grace refused to ride the coasters, but she enjoyed some other rides. 

Despite all the crazy bugs and the break down, we still had a good vacation.

Now, just a few days left until school starts…  I hate to see summer come to an end.

Lovin' the Summertime

 

If you’re going to be a Colburn, you have to enjoy water sports.  It’s non-negotiable.  Ben’s favorite is the wake board, I’m finally mastering the combo skis, and Grace enjoys the tube.  Last weekend, she even tried out the knee board (unfortunately I didn’t get a good picture).  Even Jake enjoys being out on the boat. 

 

It’s been a good summer in our new home.  Grace has enjoyed quiet time to read, play, and create, and Jake has enjoyed the playground by the river.  He gets excited every time he sees a slide!  We’ve been camping, visited the beach and the zoo, and enjoyed several excursions on the boat with Ben’s family.  Our last event for the summer is another camping trip scheduled for next week. 

This week, Grace is on a vacation without me so I’m planning to use the time to format my novel to meet the requirements for the contest hosted by The Christian Writer’s Guild for unpublished authors.  The prize is a publishing contract.  I know I probably have better odds of winning the lottery, but it’s worth a shot.  The only contest I’ve ever won was guessing how many M&M’s were in a glass jar (surprising, I know). 

 

Please pray that if it’s God’s will I would win this contract, and if not, that I would know how to get my novel into the right hands. 

You can also pray for dry weather next week.  I don’t think we’ve EVER been on a camping trip when it didn’t rain!  And camping in the rain isn’t my favorite thing to do.  I’m a fan of the sunshine. 

Chicken-Nickers

For those who may have wondered, I’m still alive.  I just fell off the grid for a little while.  Over the last month and a half I have officially become the mother of a middle-schooler (how did that happen?!), completely moved to the Eastern Shore (we owned the house for over a month before moving so that Grace could finish the school year), and my Pit Bull has decided he should be allowed to do anything the cats can do (and he’s now about half my body weight). 

I’ve learned that there are two kinds of people in Centreville: those who were born on the Eastern Shore, and those who weren’t.  Since I’m from “the other side of the bridge,” I’m known locally as a “chicken-nicker.”  The name derives from the incompetence of Western Shore folk who crab using fishing rods and chicken necks instead of troll lines.  Add that hometown accent and instead of a “chicken-necker,” you’ve got “chicken-nicker.”  Go figure.

I’ve finally wrapped up all my loose ends on the other side of the bridge, unpacked all my boxes, and am trying to focus on training the dog, enjoying time with Grace, and working on my writing again.  I’m seven chapters deep into Book Two, and am still praying for God to open a door for publishing Book One and blessing my writing ministry.  I feel just as strongly as ever that this is the mission He has given me.

We love our new little house and our quiet little “Mayberry” town.  Walking the dog for miles a day to wear him out and encourage good behavior is a lot more enjoyable when you‘re surrounded by beautiful historic homes and a view of the Corsica River to inspire the imagination.  Church bells ring out marking every hour and every half past, and one of the bell towers plays a hymn twice a day.  The Farmer’s Market sells fresh produce, local meat, and even wine, every Wednesday and Saturday at the town square outside the 18^th century courthouse on my walking route. 

And everybody I meet knows exactly where my address is and says, “Welcome to Centreville!”  Even the customers in the line behind me at the Walgreens when I’m filling out my application for a rewards card.  “Oh, you bought one of those new houses just behind the library.  Your neighbor’s my aunt, and my cousin Joe cuts her lawn…” 

It’s a small town.  I like it.

Life Revised

Life is funny. When I think of the life I planned out for myself fifteen years ago and compare it to how it’s actually turned out, I have to laugh at the drastic differences. I never thought I would marry a younger man. I never dreamed I would become a dog lover (there, I admitted it). And I never imagined I would live on the Eastern Shore. But Real Life isn’t like a novel that I can outline and write the way I think it should happen.

Sometimes other people make decisions that change the course of your life, and sometimes God leads you in a direction you would have never chosen for yourself. When it’s all said and done, all we can do is pray for wisdom, walk by faith through each twist and turn, and trust God to get us where He wants us to be.

I like to think of God as the Editor-In-Chief of my life, taking the ideas I submit to Him and rejecting them or suggesting changes to make them better. I’m both the writer and the character in my own life story, but ultimately, I’m not in control of where my story goes.

Personally, I’m not a big fan of surprises. But I guess it keeps things interesting!

The Rest of the Story

To anyone who may be worried after my last blog post, let me put your mind at ease. Ben and I are still happily married (most days). My point was this: Infatuation and romance fade, but love is something far more substantial and long lasting. Marriage is about doing Real Life together, dealing with money management, puppy accidents, and the trials of parenting.

As Grace approaches her teenage years and is faced with decisions surrounding boys and dating, I want to be the unappreciated-but-necessary Voice of Experience and Wisdom. The purpose of dating is to find a marriage partner, and that decision is one of the most important ones she can ever make.

The other day Ben asked Grace what love is. She actually had a pretty good reply for an eleven year old. She answered: “Commitment.” But that isn’t the definition of love. God is love. Love requires patience, forgiveness, transparency, self-awareness, humility, vulnerability, and sacrifice. None of which come to us naturally. Without God, we cannot truly love one another.

Under the best and simplest of circumstances, marriage is hard. Men and women are just different to begin with, and often we choose someone completely opposite in personality and then wonder why they don’t understand us. And sooner or later, life gets stressful and that doesn't help anything.

Good marriages don’t happen by accident. They require intentional choices to pursue God and to love as He calls us and shows us to love. I don’t just want to make Ben happy (although that’s the only reason we have a puppy). I want him to be fulfilled. I want him to know who God has made him to be, and then help him to become that person. And I know that Ben wants the same for me. I know, because we talk about it all the time.

I hope that Grace hears us talking, and that she sees that when have fights, we always make up. I hope that she remembers that I spent years praying and waiting for God to bring the right man into my life. And that God will show us how to guide her through these upcoming years.

Note to all boys interested in her: she is NOT allowed to date until she is sixteen. And she is not allowed to talk on the phone with boys yet either, so don’t bother giving her your number. I don’t know which is more difficult, being a young girl yourself or being the mother of one!

And why do fifth graders need to have a dance on a cruise ship anyway? I’m just not sure I’m ready for all this!

The Truth About Marriage

My daughter, Grace, is eleven years old. She already has a journal in which she has drawn pictures of her future wedding dress, wedding cake, and listed her wedding colors and other such details, including the date of said wedding and the groom involved. She has all the same silly, romantic ideas about love and marriage that most girls have. And as much as I hate to be the voice of reason, I am compelled to speak the truth.

Men are not by nature romantic creatures. They burp, scratch and fart routinely, and approach arguments with a cold kind of logic that completely tramples our sensitive emotions. Romantic moments do happen, but they are the exception and not the rule. After the procession down the aisle in the white dress, the relationship shifts focus. What to cook for dinner, if the bills have been paid, and how to juggle the schedule become the topics of conversation. Add children and pets to the pictures, and piano lessons, homework, and poop maintenance are added to the talk about food and money. Marriage is not about romance. It’s about survival.

Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is great. It’s just not easy. Men and women are as similar as cats and dogs. Cats are delicate and sensitive animals that pick up their paws with dainty precision as they step over your feet propped on the coffee table. Dogs are boisterous and rough, bounding into your lap unexpectedly and showering your face with wet kisses.

As I listen to other women share about their struggles with marriage, I have to wonder why God made women and men so fundamentally different. All the odds are against anyone having a healthy, happy marriage.

And yet they do happen. I think that three of the keys to success are Companionship, Communication and Commitment. I look forward to the end of the day and spending time with Ben, whether it’s cleaning up the kitchen together after dinner, holding hands as we walk the dog, or taking a bike ride together. Communication is something we’re still trying to figure out, and every stellar argument reveals a little nugget of wisdom. But we’re committed to one another. Even when we’re furious with each other.

A few weekends ago Grace attended her Uncle Andrew’s wedding. It was a beautiful wedding, and I’m afraid it just fed into her silly romantic ideas. She was a Dancing Queen at the reception, receiving special lessons from her Uncle Rohan. I was glad she had such a great time and I wish Andrew and Kelly all the best as they move into the real life struggles of marriage. And I pray that one day Grace finds a man who can be her best friend and love her fiercely, even when he doesn’t understand why she’s so emotional.

… Although she might want to consider someone closer to her own height. I think Ben was intimidated by my high heels and had to stand on the step behind me to be sure he was seen in the photo.

I would have felt really bad if I’d blocked him from the family shot at his brother’s wedding.

The Other Way To Ride

Before dating Ben, I hadn’t been on a bike in twenty years. Unless you count the time I was teaching Grace to ride without training wheels and I pedaled around on her baby bike for a few minutes. So what does Ben do? He puts me on a mountain bike in the middle of the woods. Not only did I have to remember how to maintain my balance, but do it as I navigated narrow trails between trees, through creeks, and over roots and rocks. I sustained a few scrapes and bruises on my first few rides, but I was hooked.

My favorite memory was last summer when Ben was encouraging me to jump a fallen log. He had taught me how to jump the summer before, but it had been a while since I’d practiced it. As we sped down the hill, we saw the log across the path. “You can do this!” he shouted back to me. “It’s easy! Just pull up on your front wheels, and—“ the rest of his instructions were lost as he hurled forward over his handle bars and landed with a thud on the ground.

Hitting the brakes and sliding to the side to avoid getting tangled with his bike, I quickly sprang to my feet. “Are you all right?” I asked, relieved when he burst into laughter. Because then I had permission to laugh too. He’d been preoccupied talking to me and failed to time the lifting of his front wheels correctly. He’s actually much better at jumping logs or plunging through ravines than I am.

Mountain biking is a perfect illustration of how Ben and I have influenced each other. He’s encouraged me to be more adventuresome and impulsive. And I’ve encouraged him to slow down and be more cautious. The results being that I have more fun, and he’s had less injuries.

For the record, I’m still resisting his efforts to buy clips for my mountain bike. I like the assurance of knowing that I can put my feet down immediately to steady myself when the bike tries to get away from me. I might be able to navigate the winding trails faster or jump higher, but I’m not ready to risk it yet.

I’m just thankful I have a husband who not only doesn’t mind that I enjoy playing in the woods and getting dirty, but it’s one of his favorite things about me.

Instant Chaos: Just Add Puppy

Jake bounded into our apartment, tail wagging, and was delighted to see that there were already playmates for him to chew on. The cats, however, did not greet him with the same level of enthusiasm. For the first few days they regarded him with dubious curiosity, keeping a safe distance. Slowly Sweet Pea has allowed him to get close enough to feel the power of her clawless paw as it collides with his puppy head. She’s a lot stronger than you would presume. Now he regards the cats with a measure of caution. Ginger isn’t the type to hit, but she isn’t afraid to hiss in Jake’s face if he invades her personal space bubble.

He is still smaller than the cats, but he makes up for it with rambunctious energy. Jake runs around the room, his front paws lifted so high that he has to lift his entire backside off the ground to compensate. He looks like his run is too big for him as he bounds and leaps, eliciting giggles of amusement from the humans and skeptical stares from the felines.

There’s a reason God made all baby creatures cute. Why else would we tolerate their antics with a bemused smile instead of guarding the peace and quiet of our home? The puppy is definitely using his cuteness to his advantage.

I’m not really a dog person, though you may think otherwise after all the puppy pictures I’ve posted on Facebook. The truth is that I’ve always preferred cats. The only reason we are now in possession of a dog is that it brings joy and happiness to my husband’s heart. And I since I love him, I enjoy seeing that little boy grin that spreads over his face every time he holds his puppy. Although I have to admit, Jake’s wormed his way into my affections with his cute little puppy face.

We don’t know exactly what breed Jake is, since his father is completely unknown. But it’s entertaining to note that when Ben holds him, he looks like an average puppy, and when Grace holds him, he looks like a baby beast. But as long as he turns out to be a gentle giant, I guess I’ll waive the weight restriction that was part of my initial agreement with Ben on the selection of a dog. I have a feeling Jake may equal or surpass me once he’s full grown.

And so the peace and tranquility of my home has now been permanently overtaken by the arrival of puppy Jake. Or maybe that happened already when I married Ben… Either way, life is a lot more exciting (and chaotic) than it used to be!