In Search of Inspiration (And Found Chocolate)

On her first birthday, Grace discovered the magical food known as chocolate. I believe it has healing properties and should be consumed for medicinal purposes. Yesterday as I was enjoying my Dove chocolate candy with caramel filling, I paused to read the inspirational message printed inside the foil wrapper. Inspirational messages seem to be a new trend, and motivational quotes and posters are all over Facebook. I guess I’m not the only one who needs encouragement now and then.

I’m sure you’ve heard it said, “Don’t let your past dictate your future.” But that’s far easier said than done. We’re all shaped by our experiences, and we learn a lesson in each and every life event. But sometimes we come to the wrong conclusions. When I find myself burdened by memories of all my failures, I think about Thomas Edison.

When Thomas Edison was interviewed by a young reporter who boldly asked him if he felt like a failure, Edison replied: "Young man, why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitively over 9,000 ways that an electric light bulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp." And shortly after that, and over 10,000 attempts, Edison invented the light bulb.

At least that’s how the story goes. Anyway, I admire the unwavering determination it represents. Thomas Edison was told he was stupid as a schoolboy, but his mother believed in him and invested herself in his education. If Edison had believed the teacher who thought that he was a waste of time, he would have never persevered over the challenges he faced as an inventor and the world would have missed out on his contributions.

I don’t want to give up after 9,000 failures. I don’t want to believe that who I am today is all I can ever be. I want to be more. I want to make a contribution through my written words.

So, being in need of more inspirational messages, I guess I’ll just have to eat a few more chocolates…

Better With Cheese

Deciding he wanted to eat something special and delicious in anticipation of his wedding, Ben and his groomsmen went out in search for food. Spying the 7-Eleven, Ben cried out, “Let’s get chili-cheese dogs!” And so they did. In their tuxes, immediately preceding the wedding. Thankfully they ate with care and arrived clean and handsome in time for the ceremony.

Some things are better with cheese. Pizza and chili-cheese dogs among them. Book titles, however, are not. When browsing for a book to read, I skim over anything that sounds cheesy or fluffy. The first introduction I have to a book is its title and cover. If they don’t appeal to me, I don’t buy the book. It might be an excellent read, but I’m never going to risk finding out if the title turned me away.

Which is why it is essentially important that my own novel has a title that captures the eye and appeals to the imagination. Unfortunately, however, I am not gifted at creating titles. I invented one at the beginning of this project, but now have decided it needs to be replaced with something that reflects the depth and heart of the story. Only I can’t come up with anything.

I’ve completed six novels in my lifetime. And I’ve always encountered absolute discouragement and fear at the conclusion, paralyzing me from taking the next step forward. I’m struggling with it again now. All the old voices are coming back to me. The ones that tell me that I’ll never succeed, that I don’t have what it takes, that I’m wasting my time trying. I guess in achieving any great dream, there are demons to fight and obstacles to overcome.

If you’ve followed my journey this far, I would ask you to pray that I’ll find the determination and hope to keep fighting. And that I would be able to think of a title that is more profound than cheesy. Discouragement is the most debilitating source of writer’s block, and I’m suffering from both of these now.

Thanks for reading my blog, and I greatly appreciate your prayers and encouragement.

And I’m especially thankful for that big, handsome guy in the middle. Without chili-cheese dog stains on his tux.

Quitters Never Win

“Never give up today, for you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.” Every morning while I’m applying my make-up and styling my hair, my mind races with creative ideas. It’s like an adrenaline rush. If only I could get to the computer and write! But instead, I have to go about my day until 1:00 naptime, and by then my creative energy has disappeared into dirty diapers and “The Wheels on the Bus.”

But without perseverance, nothing difficult or worthwhile has ever been accomplished. So I have to find a way to make the most of my limited opportunities. Since I’m not on a dead-line, it doesn’t really matter if it takes me a year to write the second book in the series. But I want to write because it’s what brings me joy and fulfillment.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to write full-time or have that historic home that I daydream about. But that’s my heart’s desire. I’ve asked God to give them to me, and I believe that when we pray with humility and sincerity we are putting all of our desires into His hands. I’m giving them up to Him, and if it’s His will for me to have them, He will give them back at the right time.

If He doesn’t, then I must believe that He has sound reasons for withholding these dreams from me. God always has a plan and a purpose, and it usually involves the testing and growth of my character. Sometimes it involves situations or circumstances that we cannot know or imagine. God sees the big picture, not just my immediate wishes.

When I talk about waiting patiently and trusting God, I don’t mean being passive and hoping my dreams fall into my lap. I mean that as I work toward my dream, I’m listening to the leading of the Holy Spirit and not just my own voice.

I’m not going to quit on this dream. But I am going to surrender it to God.

Who knows what the future will bring?

I Want What I Want

How much effort do you put into getting what you want? And here’s a disturbing thought: what if God doesn’t want you to have it?

Upsetting idea, isn’t it? Hold on while I climb up onto my soapbox.

We’ve been brainwashed by American thinking: if you work hard enough, you can have anything you want. According to Walt Disney, “Dreams really do come true.” But at the risk of being a little too much of a realist, the beauty of the original American Dream was the concept of the Self-Made Man, which celebrated the freedom to benefit from your hard work without the restrictions of the birth-determined economical and social stations of European countries. It was never a promise that you can have whatever you fix your eyes on. Who can promise that?

This concept of the American Dream has been so corrupted that it has come to idealize greed and materialism. And it’s crept into Christian thinking. We’ve made God our Genie-in-a-Lamp granting wishes. If we pray a certain way, make a deal with Him, or otherwise earn His favor, He will give us what we want.

Whether it’s moving back to Texas (you devoted Texans!), buying a house, getting a promotion, or becoming a novelist, we need to make sure that we remember the words of Jesus: “Not my will, but Yours be done.”

I don’t want to be a downer, but I think sometimes we need to be more invested in God’s will for us than in pursuing our own dreams. Because it’s possible that what you want is exactly what God wants for you too—just in His time and on His terms. Or maybe God has another dream for your life.

As I struggle with wanting what I want, which is to be a full-time novelist living in a beautiful historic home, I have to remember that I am not my own. I belong to God, and I have surrendered everything I have to Him. Including my dreams.

So I’m challenging myself along with you to keep our eyes focused on the things that have eternal value and to wait and see what God has planned for us. And to be content in the waiting, as well as satisfied with whatever comes.

You can send me your complaints and hate mail now. I can handle it.

Ditch the Plans

I used to find comfort in plans. But the older I get, the more I realize what a joke plans can be.

There is a time and place for planning, but I’m learning to relax. My life has taken so many unexpected twists and turns—good and bad—that I never could have anticipated. And so I’m learning to live day by day, as life unfolds. All I can do is participate with God as He writes the story chapter by chapter, both of my life and my novels. There are no more neat outlines for me!

When God called Abraham, He just said, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. I will make you a great nation.” No details were provided on exactly where this land was, or exactly how God would go about making him a great nation. But Abraham had a choice. To believe and step out in faith, or to say, “Umm… Too many loose ends in that invitation. Sorry, but I think I’m ok right here.”

Last summer I was searching for a career-oriented job and so frustrated when every lead ended with rejection. But now I can see that if God had allowed me to find a job then, I would have missed out on the opportunity to do what brings me joy and to chase the dream one more time. God held me back from something that I thought I needed in order to give me what was best for me.

I went from feeling unsure of who I was and completely adrift, to knowing exactly who I am and what I want. It all changed with one word: “Yes.” I knew God was calling me to write again, and I finally decided to obey. Four months later I had completed the first draft of a 93 thousand word novel. The direction of our lives can change in a heartbeat. But we have to be obedient.

So now I have a basic game plan, but with plenty of flexibility for unexpected developments. I have no way of predicting the outcome of my efforts. And that unsettles me. I like things to be clear cut and predictable. But that’s just not the way life works or the way that God leads. It’s always one step at a time.

So as I embark on a new adventure with an unknown destination, I must choose to trust
God again to work out the details.

Is God asking you to step out in faith in an area of your life?

Creative, but Clueless

Ok, let’s be honest here. You can’t have it all. Some people know how to market and strategize. Some of us are gifted at eating M&M’s, researching the Civil War, and writing out stories.

Honestly, I have no idea what to do next. I’m taking each small step with faith, hoping and praying that God will direct me to the next step and provide what I need when I get there.

The first step was getting the story line, and then actually writing the novel. That was the fun part. Next, I need to revise and edit. After that comes the most important part: actually finding a way to share it with a group of people commonly known as “readers.”

I’m researching self-publishing and eye-balling the bank account as I pray for wisdom. But that’s not really the biggest challenge. Nope, that would be the marketing part. Letting the world know I have a novel on my hands and they would like to read it.

I can’t explain it, but I feel compelled to share this novel (and others) with the world. It no longer feels like a choice. To stop writing or to stop pursuing publication would feel like disobedience.

Here’s a quote by Pearl Buck that sums me up remarkably well (I’ll abbreviate it for those with short attention spans):

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive... Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create— so that without the creating of… books… his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation.
By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.”

When I’m not writing, I feel like I’m just marking time.

What are you passionate about?

Lincoln

So, you know those people who whisper during movies? I went with my husband to see “Lincoln” after Thanksgiving. I confess that I was whispering details and facts to my husband throughout the movie and was overheard by the woman in front of me. When the movie ended, she turned around to ask me if I was a historian or a teacher, and seemed baffled that I was neither. She wanted to why I had so many facts stored in my head. She didn’t seem irritated, just impressed. I explained that I had done a lot of research for a novel and was disappointed when I had to confess that I was not a full-time writer. Maybe one day.

Here’s your homework. Before my novel is available for the general public, you have time to go see the movie. Although my novel is set in the West, during the Reconstruction Period after the Civil War, it’s important to understand the back-story.

As you watch the movie, here are some things to think about:

• Was Lincoln a Saint, a Tyrant, or just another Politician?

• What could he have done differently to deal with the rebellion of the Confederate states that would not have cost the lives of so many men?

• Was he wise in postponing the peace talks in order to push the Thirteenth Amendment through?

• And do you think that he, and many of the others who promoted freedom for the slaves, actually believed in the equality of the African race?

• How easy do you think it was for the nation to recover from such a severe and divisive trauma?

Until I did the research for this novel, I didn’t understand what an essential role this time in history played in the development of our national identity. Just as important as the War itself was the Reconstruction Period that followed. A nation divided by anger and bitterness was expected to just shake hands and blend back into a neatly cohesive Union.

If you haven’t seen the movie yet, I think you’ll enjoy it!

Just don’t disrupt the people in front of you, ok?

Good Support

Without good support, we all fall flat on our faces. Few people succeed without someone to tell them they can. As a new year begins with hope for the long awaited publication of my novel, I want to say thank you to those who have encouraged me through the years.

My first supporters were my parents. Back in the olden days before the laptop computer and Google existed, when I was just a teenager writing my novels with pencil and paper and using an old set of encyclopedias for research, they believed in me. Over the years I’ve had a select handful of friends who were willing to read my work even if it wasn’t any good. To all of you, I would like to say thank you. You know who you are.

It seems that the voices of criticism and discouragement always drowned out those who said, “You can do it!” But there comes a time when you need to decide for yourself, listen to your own heart, and follow God’s leading. Even when I gave up on myself, God never gave up on His plan for me.

I’m deeply grateful for each and every person who’s expressed interest in my work or offered a word of encouragement or advice. And I’m truly appreciative to those who have taken the time out of their holiday vacations to read my latest novel and give me valuable feedback.

Finally, I’m thankful for my husband, who doesn’t understand my drive to write or why I would rather research the Civil War than spend the day at the mall, but supports me anyway. We are an example of complete opposites who complement one another with our differences. Without his support, this dream wouldn’t be possible.

Ben lifts me up to reach new heights… Hehehe!

As we begin this new year of possibilities, take the time to say thank you to the people who make up your support team. Who’s helped you to become the person you are today?