The Rest of the Story

To anyone who may be worried after my last blog post, let me put your mind at ease. Ben and I are still happily married (most days). My point was this: Infatuation and romance fade, but love is something far more substantial and long lasting. Marriage is about doing Real Life together, dealing with money management, puppy accidents, and the trials of parenting.

As Grace approaches her teenage years and is faced with decisions surrounding boys and dating, I want to be the unappreciated-but-necessary Voice of Experience and Wisdom. The purpose of dating is to find a marriage partner, and that decision is one of the most important ones she can ever make.

The other day Ben asked Grace what love is. She actually had a pretty good reply for an eleven year old. She answered: “Commitment.” But that isn’t the definition of love. God is love. Love requires patience, forgiveness, transparency, self-awareness, humility, vulnerability, and sacrifice. None of which come to us naturally. Without God, we cannot truly love one another.

Under the best and simplest of circumstances, marriage is hard. Men and women are just different to begin with, and often we choose someone completely opposite in personality and then wonder why they don’t understand us. And sooner or later, life gets stressful and that doesn't help anything.

Good marriages don’t happen by accident. They require intentional choices to pursue God and to love as He calls us and shows us to love. I don’t just want to make Ben happy (although that’s the only reason we have a puppy). I want him to be fulfilled. I want him to know who God has made him to be, and then help him to become that person. And I know that Ben wants the same for me. I know, because we talk about it all the time.

I hope that Grace hears us talking, and that she sees that when have fights, we always make up. I hope that she remembers that I spent years praying and waiting for God to bring the right man into my life. And that God will show us how to guide her through these upcoming years.

Note to all boys interested in her: she is NOT allowed to date until she is sixteen. And she is not allowed to talk on the phone with boys yet either, so don’t bother giving her your number. I don’t know which is more difficult, being a young girl yourself or being the mother of one!

And why do fifth graders need to have a dance on a cruise ship anyway? I’m just not sure I’m ready for all this!